Codependents' Guide To The Twelve Steps

Codependents' Guide To The Twelve Steps

TheNew York Times bestselling self-help book that offers advice on how to find and choose the recovery program for you, as well as a directory of the wide range of Twelve Step programs, including AA, Codependents Anonymous, Codependents of Sex Addicts, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and more.Millions identified with Melody Beattie inCodependent No More and gained inspiration from her inBeyond Codependency. Now she?s back to help you discover how recovery programs work and to help you find the right one for you. Interpreting the famous Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps specifically for codependent issues for the very first time, this groundbreaking book combines Melody?s expertise with the experience of other people to:? Explain each step and how you can apply it to your particular issues? Offer specific exercises and activities to use both in group settings and on your own? Provide a directory of the wide range of Twelve Step programs-including Al-Anon, Codependents Anonymous, Codependents of Sex Addicts, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and moreThe uniquely warm and compassionate voice of Melody Beattie will inspire you to turn your life around-one step at a time.About the AuthorMelody Beattie, one of the seminal figures in the recovery movement, is the author of the international bestsellerCodependent No More, which has sold over eight million copies and been translated into more than a dozen languages. An expert on codependency, Beattie has written fifteen books, including includeBeyond Codependency,The Language of Letting Go, andThe Grief Club, and lectures worldwide. She lives in Southern California. For more information visit her website at www.melodybeattie.com.Excerpt. ?Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.Chapter 1"Surrender happens of its own accord. It just dawns on me.Then, peace of mind settles in, and my life starts to get more manageable."Bob T.STEP ONE"WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER OTHERS-THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE."Step One of CoDAThe first time I heard this Step, I didn't get it. I didn't understand. It felt dark, scary, and untrue.Powerless over others? My life -- unmanageable?I thought I was in complete control of myself and others. I thought there was no circumstance too overwhelming, no feeling so great that I couldn't handle it by sheer force of willpower. I thought being in control was expected of me. It was my job. That's how I got through life!And I thought my life looked so much more manageable than the lives of those around me -- until I started looking within. That's when I found the undercurrent of fear, anger, pain, loneliness, emptiness, and unmet needs that had controlled me most of my life.That's when I took my eyes off the other person long enough to take a look at the state of affairs in my life.That's when I began to find a life and come alive."I didn't know about power and powerlessness," said Mary, talking about the First Step. "Being a victim and being in control was how I was in power. If I was powerless, then someone else was in control."Now we are learning a better way to own our power than being victims and being controlling. It begins by admitting and accepting the truth about ourselves and our relationships.We are powerless over others. When we try to exert power where we have none, our lives at some level may become unmanageable. Let's take a look at some ways unmanageability can present itself in our lives, and where our ideas about controlling others -- or allowing them to control us -- began.MY STORYI can still remember the scene vividly, even though it happened more than a decade ago. Someone I cared about a lot was drinking. He was an alcoholic. And he wouldn't stop. I had done everything I could to make him stop. Nothing worked.Nothing.Neither was I able to stop my efforts to control his drinking. After yet another round of promises, forgiveness, then broken promises