Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom s Battle

Tina Swithin was swept off her feet by a modernday Prince Charming. Her relationship with Seth moved quickly and after 18 months, they were married. It wasnt long before Tina discovered that her fairytale was built on lies, fraud and deception. This wasnt the man she married, or was it?Through Tina s lens, readers will see how a smart, independent woman can fall prey to a narcissist. Tina discusses the red flag reflections that she didnt initially recognize as warning signs because the red flags were often hidden within bouquets of red roses. Giving the benefit of the doubt and trying to see the best in Seth came at a great cost.After seven years of marriage, Tina found herself in a therapists office. For years, she had been told by Seth that she was the problem. Her therapist delivered three lifechanging words; narcissistic personality disorder. Initially unable to accept that she could not fix her marriage or her husband, Tina began to research narcissism and personality disorders while connecting with experts around the world.Tina soon discovered that there is only one thing more difficult than being married to a narcissist and that is divorcing a narcissist. When Tinas plight to protect her children began, she was forced to act as her own attorney due to severe financial abuse. Tina quickly discovered a flawed family court system that prioritized Seth s parental rights over her childrens rights to safety. Tina experienced repeated institutional betrayal at the hands of child welfare services, law enforcement, child custody evaluators, minors counsel and judicial officers yet, she would not give up.Tina refused to accept that shared parenting, or 5050 custody arrangements were in her daughters best interest, and she set her sights on learning the system inside and out. Tina became a fixture in the courthouse and at hearings, studying highconflict cases that were similar to hers, watching court proceedings, and talking to attorneys in the court hallways. A painful realization was that to the court system, her custody battle was just a business transaction and a case number. Through radical acceptance and with her growing knowledge of the family court system, Tina began to embrace the importance of strategy versus emotion.Tinas story is the story of one moms battle to protect her children in the patriarchal, antiquated family court system but, her story is the story of thousands of mothers around the world. There are identifiable patterns of the family court systems failure to recognize coercive control as domestic violence and there is a lack of training within the system on important topics such as domestic violence, narcissism and post separation abuse. Tinas story shines a glaring light on the darkness that is the presentday family court system and highlights the need for education, intervention, legislation and court reform.Tinas story showcases the harsh, painful reality that victims of domestic violence face when they make the brave decision to leave their abuser. Namely, the abusers need for power and control doesn t mysteriously vanish or dissipate when the relationship ends. Tina s exhusband was triggered by the loss of control and his effort to maintain power and control intensified. For Tina, the post separation abuse continued to escalate and far surpassed the abuse she was subjected to while under the same roof. Seth set his sights on the child(ren) to exert control and the children become nothing more than pawns and weapons.By many, Tina Swithin is considered to be one of the lucky ones for finally securing peace and safety for her family. For anyone to read about Tinas tenyear battle to protect her children and label her as lucky speaks volumes about the brokenness of the family court system.