Title
Life Wants You Dead: A Calm, Rational, and Totally Legit Guide to Scaring Yourself Safe,New
Delivery time: 8-12 business days (International)
Life wants you dead, and this book wants to be READ! Ha ha I love being a comedian. Patton Oswalt'Truly hilarious!' Jack Handey, author of Deep ThoughtsFear!!! Scary, right? But what if the only thing we shouldn't fear is fear itself?In this era of economic turmoil, climate catastrophe, and cliques of cool teens just waiting to make fun of your shoes, we live in a heightened state of fear. We're afraid of the world and afraid of each otherbut not nearly as afraid as we should be! And this absurdly hilarious survival guide demonstrates that being afraid of literally everything is the only guaranteed way to stay safe. Packed with lifesaving/fearfanning illustrations, sidebars, jump scares, chilling oneliners, and more, these pages will keep readers safe from the scourges of love, technology, birds, education, jackalopes, their own bodies, their homes, and the world outside their own bodies and homes. Includes a bonus foldout Fear Map lurking in the inside back cover.A BOOK TO KEEP YOU SAFE IN THESE ANXIOUS TIMES: Anxious and fearful about the state of the world? Friend, you are not frightened enough! Never mind the asteroid hurtling toward Earth. That bird over there? It's just waiting for the chance to swoop down and peck at your eyes. Your shoelaces? Trying to strangle your feet. From the stop signs obviously attempting to deadend your life to that creep in the mirror who looks exactly like you, danger is everywhere. And your best survival strategy is to be afraid of everything at all times.SEVEN SCARY CHAPTERS TO KEEP YOU COMPREHENSIVELY APPREHENSIVE: Your Body: It Isnt a F*cking Wonderland, John Mayer Love: Theyre Trying to Steal Your Heart!!! Home Is Where the Harm Is: Youre in a Hallway to Hell Go Go Gadget Death: Surviving the Techpocalypse The Hippocratic Hoax: Defeating the Medical Menace MindFucked: How Education Kills Be the Fear You Want to Flee in the World THE BOOK ITSELF IS A THREAT: With pointy hardcover corners, pages that could slap you, and a removable foldout Fear Map ready to strike at your nerves from the book's inside back cover, this humor book is unsafe to buy for yourself or to give as a gift to everyone you love.Perfect for: Comedy fans of The Onion, ClickHole, The Daily Show, and Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Fearridden readers of The WorstCase Scenario Survival Handbook Anyone in need of a laugh in these anxietydriven times
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⚠️ WARNING (California Proposition 65):
This product may contain chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer, birth defects, or other reproductive harm.
For more information, please visit www.P65Warnings.ca.gov.
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We ship your order within 2–3 business days for USA deliveries and 5–8 business days for international shipments. Once your package has been dispatched from our warehouse, you'll receive an email confirmation with a tracking number, allowing you to track the status of your delivery.
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To facilitate a smooth return process, a Return Authorization (RA) Number is required for all returns. Returns without a valid RA number will be declined and may incur additional fees. You can request an RA number within 15 days of the original delivery date. For more details, please refer to our Return & Refund Policy page.
Shipping & Returns
Shipping
We ship your order within 2–3 business days for USA deliveries and 5–8 business days for international shipments. Once your package has been dispatched from our warehouse, you'll receive an email confirmation with a tracking number, allowing you to track the status of your delivery.
Returns
To facilitate a smooth return process, a Return Authorization (RA) Number is required for all returns. Returns without a valid RA number will be declined and may incur additional fees. You can request an RA number within 15 days of the original delivery date. For more details, please refer to our Return & Refund Policy page.
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We provide a 2-year limited warranty, from the date of purchase for all our products.
If you believe you have received a defective product, or are experiencing any problems with your product, please contact us.
This warranty strictly does not cover damages that arose from negligence, misuse, wear and tear, or not in accordance with product instructions (dropping the product, etc.).
Warranty
We provide a 2-year limited warranty, from the date of purchase for all our products.
If you believe you have received a defective product, or are experiencing any problems with your product, please contact us.
This warranty strictly does not cover damages that arose from negligence, misuse, wear and tear, or not in accordance with product instructions (dropping the product, etc.).
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Secure Payment
Your payment information is processed securely. We do not store credit card details nor have access to your credit card information.
We accept payments with :
Visa, MasterCard, American Express, Paypal, Shopify Payments, Shop Pay and more.