Official Book Club Selection,New

A Conversation With Kathy Griffin:Q: State Your Name And Profession.Kg: My Name Is Kathy Griffin, And I Am A Teller Of D**K Jokes. And A Plumber.Q: This Is Your First Book. Had You Ever Considered Writing Anything Before? A Novel? Or A Work Of Historical Scholarship? Or A Childrens Story?Kg: I Had Not Considered It, Because Id Always Been Told By The Nuns At St. Bernadines That My Cursive Was Poor. A Children S Story Is An Interesting Idea. Hows This For A Title: 'Waterboarding Preteens: The Debate Is Back On.' I Have A Political Side As Well.Q: You Seem Fairly Obsessed With Oprah. Is This Something Youll Ever Outgrow?Kg: I Will Never Outgrow My Obsession With Oprah. Just As She Will Never Outgrow Her Cardigan Sweaters. Oops, She Already Has. Now Look, That Sounds Like A Dig, But Its Not. Its Called A Struggle, And Im On It With Her. I Support Her. (Not As Much As She Needs Those Underwire Bras To Support Her, Because Shes Got Some Serious Ropes And Pulleys Going On There.) The Point Is, I Worship Her, And Fear Her At The Same Time. And Believe Me, That S How She Wants It. Dont Be Fooled.Q: Did I Miss Something? Wheres Celine Dion In This Book?Kg: I Didnt Write About Celine Dion, Only Because Of My Fear Of Her Husband Rene Angelil. I Have An Unfounded But Constant Fear That He Could Be In The Frenchcanadian Mafia. Or Have Frenchcanadian Mafia Ties, And By Ties I Dont Mean Les Cravats. And I Fear That I May Be Abducted, Whisked Away And Held Prisoner At A Charming Little Brasserie In Montreal, Forced To Eat Multiple Croque Monsieur Sandwiches Until I Confess To Knowing The Lyrics To Every Single One Of Her Songs.Q: What Do You Think Gays Should Take Away From Reading This Book?Kg: I Think The Gays Should Be Happy With This Book. It Talks A Lot About Being Who You Are, And I Certainly Mention A Lot Of Gay People. I Would Say It Definitely Has Strong Gay Themes, And The Gay Community Should Know That Frankly It Has Been A Moral Struggle For Me To Even Acknowledge The Heterosexual Community In This Book At All. But I Am Slowly Reaching Out An Olive Branch To The Heterosexual Community, Even Though I Believe Everything They Do Goes Against The Teachings Of Our Lord And Savior Jesus Christ. But Im Trying Not To Judge Them.Q: Describe Your Ideal, Makeawish Day Of Personal Experiences With Bats**T Celebrities.Kg: Well, It Would Start With Some Sort Of A Fit In The Hairandmakeup Trailer On A Set. I Heard A Story That When Sharon Stone Was Working On 'Casino,' She Got Into Such A Fight With Her Hairdresser, That After He Spent Four Hours Doing This Beautiful Bouffant Hairdo For Her, She Got Up And Walked In The Sink And Put Her Head Underwater. I Have No Idea If Thats True, But I Hope It Is, Cause Thats Some Awesome S**T I Would Love To See. Then It Would Go Right To Lunch, Where I Could Witness An Eating Disorder. Maybe A Lohan Is Purging In A Bush Somewhere With Her Finger Down Her Throat. Or Perhaps Theres An Olsen Twin On A Scale Crying Because She Finally Tipped 100. Any Outburst Over Weight I Would Cherish. Also, It Would Be Great To See An Actress Have A Workload Meltdown. So Maybe At 2:00 Some Alister Saying, 'I Cant Handle This S**T Anymore.' Because I Love When Actors Cant Deal With A Normal Workday, And They Think Two In The Afternoon Is Like Midnight, So I Would Love To See Somebody Storming To Their Car, Exhausted Because Theyve Put In A Grueling Fourhour Workday Of Saying Three Lines And Texting Their Nanny. Then Its Maybe Off To An Illicit Affair. At The Top Of My Wish List Would Be Following A Rapper Or A Football Player Over To His Baby Mamas House Where A Screaming Match Ensues To The Point Where Someone, Maybe Me, Has To Anonymously Dial 911, And Then I Take A Couple Pictures, And I Become An Unannounced Star Witness Later At The Trial, Entering Joan Collinsstyle In A Smashing Hat. And Then At The End Of The Day Its A Healthy Round Of Clubbing With Janice Dickinson,