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Being undead can be disorienting. Your arms and other appendages tend to rot and fall off. Its difficult to communicate with a vocabulary limited to moans and gurgles. And that smell! (Yes, its you.) But most of all, you must constantly find and ingest human brains. Braaaains!!!Whats a zombie to do?Thankfully, zombiologist John Austin details everything you need to know, as a newly undead soul, to hunt, fight, and feed on the living. As the first handbook written specifically for the undead, So Now Youre a Zombie explains how you ended up in this predicament, the stages of zombification, and what you need to survive in this zombiphobic world. Dozens of helpful diagrams outline attack strategies, such as the Ghoul Reach, the Flanking Zack, the Bite Hold, and the Aerial Fall, to secure your human prey. Youll even learn how to successfully extract the living from boarded up farmhouses and broken down vehicles.This handbook also explores the upside of being a zombie. Gone are the burdens of employment, taxes, social networks, even basic hygiene, allowing you to focus on simple necessities in life: the juicy gray matter found in the skulls of the living.
⚠️ WARNING (California Proposition 65):
This product may contain chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer,
birth defects, or other reproductive harm.
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